Stop pretending your business is some cozy family unit. It’s not. Your employees are not your kids. Your managers are not your cousins. You are part of a business exchange where everyone is there by choice, because it serves them well.
You’re not a family. You’re not a group of friends. You’re not even a tribe. If anything, you’re a sports team. High performance is the focus. Championship wins are the goal. Every person on the team plays a different role in making success happen. You play your best players when the timing is right.
“We are a family here” is a bad phrase for business and this way of working is holding back your success. Professional teams coordinate. Families emote. Know the difference and use it to get the vibe right in your company.
Here’s how and why to change the language to succeed together on better terms.
Professional teams operate differently from families
Families stay together through everything. Teams change when they need to. You will fire a team member who doesn’t perform. You will let them leave for a better offer. You will ask them to step up or step down. You’ll review, reward, and replace them.
No one does quarterly performance reviews with their mother. No one makes their sister redundant because a role isn’t needed anymore. No one tells their brother he needs to improve his output or else. Call your team what it is: a team.
Even if you happen to be related, move that aside in a work capacity. My mum worked at my company for six years, but in a work context I called her by her first name. She did great work because she’s a conscientious professional, not because she’s my mum.
Lead like a boss not like a parent
Pay your team well, give clear expectations, then let them deliver. It’s simple, really. They’re adults who signed up to be there and give their best effort. Adults who know they’re getting paid market rate to hit their targets.
Provide what they need to thrive. Equipment, instruction, feedback that works. Support their growth and set them free. Keep it professional and stay away from emotional manipulation. Don’t guilt trip them into loyalty. Let them choose it.
I’ve worked with my husband since 2014 but there’s no obligation. He doesn’t coerce me into working different hours, I don’t expect him to stay on board if he’s not enjoying the work. Family dynamics complicate business relationships. Keep it professional.
Value voluntary association
People choose to work in your company. They spend their hours serving your mission because it’s mutually beneficial. You both win from the agreement. Watch what happens when you respect that.
Build bonds around shared goals and values. Create a place people want to be, not one they feel emotionally and financially trapped in. When you demand nothing more than professional excellence, you create space for real commitment to form.
Strong-arming people into being part of your team is never the way. Getting too attached isn’t either. Value their contribution but don’t build hope that it will last forever. Stay present, stay focused, and remain in control.
Keep expectations crystal clear
No one should feel like they have to make excuses to skip the office Christmas party. Real families care about showing up to social events. Real businesses care about results.
Everything gets easier when you call things what they are. Drop the family language and subsequent drama. No passive aggressiveness allowed. State what you want. Reward what you value. Watch everyone breathe a sigh of relief.
When I ran a 20-person agency we held regular team drinks. But no one was obliged to be there. If someone has something else to do, that’s absolutely fine. If a team member doesn’t care about meeting everyone else or contributing to culture, that’s totally their call. Take it or leave it should always be the vibe.
Calling your team a family is holding your business back
Your company needs standards, boundaries, and professionalism to win. Not endless compromise, unspoken rules or mismatched expectations. Zero passive-aggressiveness or wishing things were different.
Create an environment where everyone knows what success looks like. Build a professional team and treat them accordingly. Create real loyalty, not guilt-laden attempts at workplace bonding.
Let go of calling your team a family. Build a culture based on what matters: excellence, respect, and clear communication.
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