Daniel Wendt is CEO and Principal Clinical Psychologist of Oracle Psychology, a private practice in Newcastle, Australia.
Being a parent is not for the faint-hearted. Combine the perils of parenting with the extremes of executive life and we have a balancing act rivaling Cirque du Soleil. The constant tug-of-war between parental responsibilities and professional life can lead to feelings of guilt, stress and burnout that can seem insurmountable without the right strategies in place.
But I believe that executives don’t have to choose between their career and their kids. Let’s take a look at some of the common challenges faced by business leaders and how you can address them to preserve and prioritize time with your family.
Never Enough Time
We may as well accept that time is the one thing we can never get more of. But that does not mean that all is lost. Instead of trying to make time, I’ve found it is often more efficient to truly dedicate time and use it effectively. Attempting to be in two places at once, or dividing your time and focus, is a fast track to failure.
“Single-handing” means starting an activity and following it through to completion as a focused priority. In my experience, this is a much more efficient approach than starting and stopping tasks multiple times due to divided attention or competing demands, which can lower efficiency dramatically. Making the most of our time through laser focus can allow us to finish projects quicker, which allows for more family time.
When juggling multiple demands at once, here are a few strategies to keep in mind:
1. Dedicate time to one priority. Write down everything you need to do, and prioritize based on importance and deadlines. Use this priority list to ensure you are working in a logical way to meet timeframes according to workload requirements.
2. Remove other distractions. Find a quiet place, keep your workspace tidy and remove unnecessary items. If possible, silence notifications or calls during this time.
3. Give yourself rest breaks. Take regular breaks to rest, recharge and reward yourself, but make sure to get back to your task after a short period and avoid distractions during the break. For example, consider going for a walk to avoid falling into a scroll hole of social media.
4. Group similar tasks together. Completing similar tasks in close succession (e.g., responding to all emails at once rather than sporadically) can help minimize context-switching.
These practices can help you start to achieve at an optimal level by ticking off important projects in quick succession rather than juggling multiple tasks in a piecemeal way. In my experience, this can ultimately lead to higher productivity and more time being a present parent.
Do The Math
If it takes you 10 minutes to shift your focus to a new task and transition away from previous thoughts, then partially starting 10 projects in a day will result in 100 minutes of lost time. If each project requires 100 minutes, focusing on a project one at a time is much more efficient than reengaging multiple times.
By this logic, reducing the time spent on task initiation can increase your overall productivity, with more time spent on actual work rather than task transitioning. It can also enhance your focus and concentration; in my experience, staying with one task can reduce cognitive fatigue and improve the quality of your work. Fewer transitions can also mean less mental clutter and stress, leading to more enjoyable work.
Compromise And Compartmentalise
When juggling work and family, something must give. We can compromise and compartmentalize when completing tasks or agreeing to family events. The best option may be different for different people at different times.
Choosing to compromise may mean that you prefer to dedicate time next week to being home for the family meal and movie night rather than the award ceremony at school. If you cannot attend both, or if attending both means that you are highly stressed and not emotionally present, then attending only one event may be the better option. This can allow you to get more shared enjoyment out of the experience you choose and really connect with your loved ones. Compromising is not sacrificing but rather choosing the most rewarding overall experience for your family.
Compartmentalizing is a helpful method for switching between roles and settings. It can allow you to more quickly transition and be in the moment, rather than leaving work but finding yourself still thinking about work. There are a few ways you can achieve compartmentalization:
• Use routines and rituals. Have a routine to start and end your day that marks the beginning and end of work (e.g., trying to get up at the same time each day and have a morning tea or coffee, and ending the day by doing some exercise or listening to your favorite music).
• Have tangible transition cues. Try and have physical items that register in your mind as being linked to work or home. For example, simply changing into or out of your dedicated work clothing can be a clear and practical trigger that can help you mentally switch between your roles, even if you’re working from home.
• Create dedicated workspaces. Have a dedicated workspace at home that you strictly use if you need to complete work at home. Avoid doing things like answering emails when at the dinner table, as this can break down compartmentalization and compromise family time.
Present Parenting
Implementing the above strategies can enable you to enjoy more quality time and truly be present with your family. Make the most of these precious years with your children. Let me leave you with a couple of additional ways you can enhance your connection with family and make the time you have count:
• Make memories special. Do fun activities together while expressing gratitude for the time you have, and let your loved ones know what it means to you (e.g., “I had so much fun making dinner together, and I will remember this as one of my favorite meals.”).
• Praise your children with passion. Use energy, emotion and specific language to acknowledge their achievements, personality and efforts. (For example, stating with a huge smile and buoyant voice, “I am so proud of how hard you worked on that assignment. It doesn’t matter what mark you end up getting; I can see that you put in so much effort, and you are such a strong person.”).
Remember, you do not have to choose between a career and children. With the right mindset and habits, I believe any executive can have the best of both worlds.
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