Sarah Noll Wilson, president of SNW Inc., is an executive coach and author focused on making work better for humans.
When it comes to leadership, we often emphasize what actions to start doing—setting goals, driving initiatives, and fostering innovation. But there’s a deeper, more courageous question that rarely gets asked:
“What am I doing that’s getting in my own way?”
For managers, this question is uncomfortable but essential. It calls for courageous self-audit rather than creative strategy. It’s not about adding more to your plate but about recognizing what might be spilling off it or worse, pouring onto others. Without reflection, you may unknowingly become the very obstacle you’re trying to overcome.
This shift in thinking from “what should I do?” to “what should I stop doing?” can be transformational for you and your team. Here’s how and why.
The Mental Trap Of ‘More Action’
Managers are often rewarded for action. Move faster. Do more. Tackle the next challenge. There is a badge of honor in cultures that “are just so busy.” This mindset is reinforced by KPIs, quarterly goals and performance reviews. But as leadership author Margaret Wheatley expertly says, “Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.”
Imagine a manager who constantly jumps into every team conversation to provide answers. On the surface, it looks like helpfulness. In reality, it’s a form of over-functioning that can stifle team growth and disempowers employees. The same applies to perfectionism, micromanagement and the need to control every small detail. These actions feel productive, but they leave you overwhelmed and your team underutilized.
By pausing to ask, “Am I helping or hovering?” you create space for others to step up. Shifting from being a default doer to a deliberate observer requires courage, but it’s one of the most powerful moves a manager can make.
Why Courage Is Required
If it were easy to audit our own behavior, we’d all be doing it. But it isn’t. It’s uncomfortable to admit that the problem might not be “out there” but “in here.” Sometimes it is downright painful.
Why is this so hard for us humans?
• Ego defense: We want to see ourselves as competent and effective.
• Hidden habits: We can’t see what we can’t see.
• Fear of judgment: Admitting fault might feel like a loss of credibility.
The most courageous managers know that asking this question doesn’t diminish their credibility; it strengthens it. Leaders who openly share what they’re working on signal to their team, “I’m growing too.” This vulnerability builds trust and psychological safety, encouraging others to follow suit.
Start small. Ask yourself, “What’s one thing I’m doing this week that’s getting in the way of my team’s success?” If you’re feeling brave, ask your team the same question.
Tools To Audit Your Own Behavior
So, how do you actually take stock of what you’re doing that’s getting in your own way? Here are three approaches to get started:
1. The Daily Debrief
At the end of the day, ask yourself:
• What moments today felt clunky, tense or off?
• What did I notice myself doing on autopilot?
• If I could do one moment over, what would I do differently?
Keep a journal and track patterns over time. You’ll start to see where small shifts can create a big impact.
2. Seeking Feedback
Ask a trusted peer, mentor or even your team:
• “If I wanted to be a 10% more effective leader, what’s one thing I could do differently?”
• “Is there something new you wish I did as a manager?”
These questions require courage to ask, but the answers can be gold. They surface unintended impacts and reveal the stories other people have about your leadership.
3. Pausing Before Reacting
For one week, practice the power of pause. Before responding to an email, interrupting a meeting or offering feedback, take three seconds to ask:
• Is my action necessary?
• Will this action empower others or disempower them?
• Is this about them or me?
This micro-moment of reflection can keep you from leaning into old habits that no longer serve you.
Potential Benefits: Greater Trust, Capacity And Clarity
When managers stop doing the things that get in their way, it can create immediate benefits:
• For the team: They can experience more ownership, clarity and growth.
• For you: You’ll feel less overwhelmed and more focused on high-impact work.
• For the organization: It builds capacity for others to lead, not just you.
Imagine the ripple effect if every manager asked, “What’s one thing I’m doing that’s getting in my team’s way?” Then imagine them making one simple shift. Multiply that by 10 managers, then 100. Suddenly, a whole culture starts to shift, not through policy changes, but through leaders becoming more aware of their own patterns.
My Loving Push For Managers
The next time you’re overwhelmed, don’t ask, “What should I do next?” Instead, try asking:
“What should I stop doing right now?”
It’s not an easy question. It requires courage, reflection and the willingness to see yourself clearly. But this shift from doing to undoing is one of the most powerful leadership moves you can make. Your team will notice. Your workload will shift. And you may just discover that the “blocker” you’ve been trying to remove … was you all along.
So ask the question: “What am I doing that’s getting in my way?” Then listen closely, curiously and courageously for the answer.
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