LaRae Quy is the founder and CEO of the Mental Toughness Center and the producer of Secrets of a Strong Mind, an online training program.
Many people feel anxious these days, and there are plenty of reasons why—a pandemic, politics and wars that seem closer to home than ever. It’s been a dramatic time, and people know the ground on which they stand has shifted.
They’ve been reminded life is unpredictable and precious. They’ve taken the time to think about their lives and ponder questions like, “did my life matter?” and “what was I born to do in life?” This internal audit requires them to think about their choices, relationships formed and their spirituality or lack thereof.
As a child, I dreamed about becoming a great success. When I sang, I never dreamed about singing in front of a handful of people; no, I saw myself on a massive stage in front of thousands of screaming fans. A little wiser and a lot older, I now realize everyone wants to impact the world. We all desire to make a difference so we’ll be remembered when we’re gone.
This longing is natural; the problem is we have conflated a meaningful life with the pursuit of success. This twisted logic makes success the notion that making an impact is all about ourselves. Ego raises its ugly head, and we take immense pride in what we do and the applause we receive for doing it.
However, at some point, we will be hit with a disruption when events don’t unfold in the perfect way we imagined them. Suddenly, the most significant questions will be internal. It’s our chance to emerge a person who takes a deeper look at their life. We have the opportunity to acknowledge that something big inside us has shifted.
Authentic Leadership Is The Key
You like the idea of “being you,” but what does it mean to be authentic? Every leader will eventually wrestle with this question: What is the core of who I am? The answer is important because being a phony is hard work. It takes a lot of effort to bury our true values and beliefs and settle for adopting the behavior and goals of others.
Authenticity comes from knowing what’s important to us and sticking with those values even when faced with external pressures to behave differently. People trust leaders when they are authentic and lead with good values. Leaders who understand the importance of building trust can build healthy teams that produce results.
My success as an FBI undercover agent came from being myself—it attracted people to me. I was able to develop trust with the subjects of my investigations. I’ve often said, the only time I really ran into trouble was when I didn’t take the time to be authentic. No matter the role I played, the game was up.
My tip: Ask trusted friends to describe you. Do the descriptions feel accurate? Have they missed an important part of your personality? If so, think about why?
Everything Starts With Trust
Trust is the basis for effective leadership. Traditional leadership tends to focus on a leader’s vision and strategy. While it can drive results, it leaves employees and clients with the impression that the company’s future is in the hands of one person—the leader.
Leaders set the tone for the culture and establish norms of behavior. If they establish trust within the organization, employees feel valued and remain motivated.
According to a 2017 study in Harvard Business Review, people at high-trust companies report 74% less stress, 106% more energy at work, 50% higher productivity, 13% fewer sick days, 76% more engagement, 29% more satisfaction with their lives and 40% less burnout than people at low-trust companies.
Another more recent survey by Harvard Business School found that people are increasingly turning to their leaders and employers as a source of truth rather than the media, institutions or government officials.
My tip: As a leader, it’s no longer enough for you to just focus on growing your business. Economic growth does not build trust; you must ensure transparency and model good values to employees and clients.
Step Into The Shadow
Everyone should know the truth about themselves. This is a straightforward statement but also very difficult because humans are messy, contradictory and often wrong about many things.
We start to hide what is real and put on a mask that others will find attractive and interpret as confident and successful. But our perfection is fake, so when we experience a disruption or change in our circumstances, our mask begins to slip.
We still have this inner yearning to be real in a fake world, but we fear the consequences. Will we like what we discover about ourselves?
Shadow work in spiritual growth is how we uncover and heal negative emotions from our distant and recent past. Psychologists use the same technique to tap into our subconscious. Either way, we identify what is holding us back so we can move forward authentically.
I believe that we all already care about something important. We already know what is important and meaningful for ourselves. However, the problem is that many of us have lost touch with it. We’ve become distracted and lost sight of it.
We’ve become so inundated with what the people around us want or what the world expects of us that we’ve suppressed and forgotten who we are and what we believe. For many, it’s not a question of “finding” one’s purpose as much as rediscovering it.
My tip: List what you believe to be true of yourself, both good and bad. Then, examine each one, expand on it and identify how, when and where you acquired that belief. Who told you this was true about yourself?
Authentic leadership, based on self-awareness and trust, is vital to finding purpose and making a meaningful impact in the workplace.
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